


dear nct

by shinenct



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Depression, Hearing Voices, Idols, Other, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23013976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinenct/pseuds/shinenct
Summary: i love you guys and i'm sorry...your full sun, lee donghyuck
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Everyone
Comments: 27
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> edit: thanks for 1k !!

listen to dear dream while reading

hey hyungs, i dont know how you guys are feeling when you guys read this but i hope you guys are smiling. finally, the annoying brat all of you guys hated is gone for good. isn't that amazing? don't act all sad and cry, i know you guys hate me anyways.

so let's see, when did this all start? maybe around regular era? i don't know anymore. you guys used to love me, my hugs, my kisses, everything. but suddenly, you guys started to push me away. why? what did i do wrong? do you guys know how hurt i felt? i guess not

at first i thought, maybe hyungs aren't feeling well today or maybe they were just stressed. but how long am i going to lie to myself. you guys hated my prescene.

i may be the sunshine, but that's all just an act to seem like i am really happy. but in fact i'm broken beyond repair on the inside. my heart clenches whenever i see jisung and chenle cuddling, my heart hurts whenever i see lucas hyung and jungwoo hyung showing affection, it hurts even more when mark hyung cuddles others.

i have been battling this for so long i didn't even realise it. the voices in my head just wouldn't shut up. they tell me i'm fat. i'm ugly, useless, talentless and that no one loved me, as if i never knew.

i became more distant, ate less, laughed less, but did you guys ever notice? no. you continued on with life like nothing is wrong, nothing happened and everything is still the same.

you know sometimes i wonder, how did i even debut in NCT? this spot should have been given to someone who actually deserved it. not this fat ugly lazy brat like me. my dancing isn't as good as jisung's, my singing can't even be compared to taeil hyung's. i can't even rap, and there's always taeyong hyung for that anyways. i'm practically useless. why am i even in NCT? just to annoy the hyungs and dongsaengs? i can feel death stares from trainees who i have stolen their spot in the debut team. i'm so useless.

i guess the self-harming came not long after the voices. i mean it was the only way to relieve the pain that i felt in my heart. however it wasn't enough. one stroke, two stroke, three,four i dont even know anymore. of course no one realised, you guys never cared anyways. it hurts so badly.

why do you guys hate me? is it because of my skin colour? my bratty attitude? my sarcastic self? i can change. but i think that's too late now. i locked myself in the bathroom everyday, with tears threatening to pour out but i knew better than to cry. u didn't want you guys finding out and pitying me. that's the last thing i need.

well july 8, one day after 127's anniversary. i couldnt bring myself to destroy that date so i chose the next. locking myself in one of the many spare rooms that we owned.

this is the place where i am writing this letter now. hope you guys found it. thats it, goodbye hyungs, it was nice knowing you guys.i wrote this letter cause i am very sure you guys would be confused as too what led me to this, im actually surprised you guys even bothered to read till here.

taeil hyung, johnny hyung, taeyong hyung, yuta hyung, kun hyung, doyoung hyung, ten hyung, jaehyun hyung, sicheng hyung, jungwoo hyung, lucas hyung, mark hyung, renjun hyung, jeno hyung, jaemin ah, chenle ah, jisung ah. i'm really sorry, i love all of you guys.

i hope that i can meet you guys again as the happy sunshine that i am suppose to be.

your full sun,

lee donghyuck

on july 8, 2020 lee donghyuck was found dead in the nct apartment when the rest went out on a schedule and left him home alone. sm has released an official statement:

_**"Hello this is sm entertainment,** _

_**We regret to announce to you that NCT 127 and NCT Dream's Lee Donghyuck, commonly known as Haechan, was found dead in the NCT apartment on july 8, 2020. Investigation is currently ongoing and we seek the cooperation of fans to give NCT your biggest support in this tough time. We also give our condolences to his family and NCT as we have lost a beautiful sunshine today.** _

_**Thank you"** _


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "hyuck ah, we love you"
> 
> "nct, i love you guys to
> 
> "

nct was never the same after that. jungwoo broke down every minute of the day, johnny felt as if he failed as a hyung,taeyong beat himself up for being an irresponsible leader. taeil just stoned, he was the oldest, how did he not realise? doyoung and jaehyun tried to brighten the mood but failed as they themselves were hurting.

however, the ones that took the biggest impact were the dreamies, including mark. they were so stunned they didnt even shed a tear. donghyuck's death still didn't register in their minds. not until a month did they break and things only got worse.

jisung developed anxiety and refused to let any of his hyung out of sight. jeno and renjun tried to be strong for everyone but they were so broken they couldn't do it. chenle just sobbed in his room all day, refusing to eat or do anything. jaemin played walk you home and dear dream everyday on his phone just to hear donghyuck's voice one more time. mark took it the worse. he isolated himself from everyone, coming out at most once a day to use the bathroom. he skipped his meals and became ghostly thin and pale.

everyone tried to continue with their daily lives but it was impossible. they lost their sunshine, how are they suppose to be happy again?

nct went on a long hiatus. only after 10 months, did they release a song with all the members in memory of donghyuck. at their first concert after the incident, they cried their hearts out, nctzens cried with them too

if only they were more vigilant, none of this would have happened

**"hyuck ah, we love you"**

  
little did they know,  
from above, a tiny angel was looking over all of their actions with tears streaming down his face.

**"nct, i love you guys too"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end!! first book! please show your support!!

**Author's Note:**

> first story!!! thanks for reading! hope you guys enjoyed!


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